Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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