We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
