# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
