Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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