Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
