Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
