I'm passing your future prison.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
