He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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