i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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