What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
