I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
