I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
