I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
