i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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