You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
