How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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