Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
