Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
