Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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