I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
