I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
