remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
