textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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