I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
