My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
