last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You've changed since you got that strap on
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
