They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
