Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
