By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
