my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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