I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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