Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
