She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
