also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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