He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
