I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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