I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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