she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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