I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
