I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
