She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
