come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
