he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
