I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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