remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
