I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
