Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
honey bunches of taint.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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