Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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