why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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