im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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