Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pants are for mortals
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
