I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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