I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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