so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
