It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
