Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
