If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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