when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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