Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
