Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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