i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
either way he was missing a nipple.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
