I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
