So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
