Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
