And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
