Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
