in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
