You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
