Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
