At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are we still banned from the library?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
