I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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