there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
