We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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