i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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