I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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