I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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