he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
