I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
