well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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