I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
